The Inner Critic - Boston, MA

 

image credit: franticbutfabulous.com

One of the hardest parts of joining a career re-entry program is having to look hard at yourself. The easy parts for me are software coding (just kidding, that's incomprehensible but entertaining) and hearing from our training partners about what they do and how we can use their technologies. Frankly it's fun to be invited into these different companies and cultures and getting an inside look at free lunch, key cards to get into parking lots and taking the wrong elevator which means you are 10 minutes late to a meeting and locked out. Well, not me personally. In all seriousness, I am grateful to these companies that have volunteered space and time to support women going back to work.

The hard parts: elevator pitch writing, profile summaries, re-writing the resume, etc. And when I say "etc." I mean pulling out your strengths and weaknesses without cringing and beating yourself up about decisions of the past. Dusting off what you did and making it shine. Trying to explain what you've been doing for the last eight years.

Here's the root of the root (as ee cummings would say): I have no regrets about taking time off. In fact the whole phrase "taking time off" is hilarious to me. I have twins. I have boys. They both began life with health issues. And even now resolved, there is no "time off." There is no off-ramping--who comes up with phrases? I didn't off-ramp, I got into the craziest dang rotary of my life--picture the Arc de Triomphe one where you can't even figure out which exit is next.

In fact, going to an office would be quite relaxing for me. If I get asked in an interview about whether or not I am a good multi-tasker, I promise that I will not burst into hysterical laughter. Okay, kinda promise. Depends on how many soccer games, PTO meetings, kung fu, homework meltdowns and Nutcracker practices I have had the night before. 

I spent the last six years in Brazil. That experience I would never trade for more time in the meeting rooms. I learned how to do business in another culture and language, found ways to turn my own impressions into helpful information for fellow expatriates (I blogged about security issues in the big city of São Paulo) and volunteered in my kids' international school. I have friends from all over the world, not only from Kellogg where I got my MBA, but the expatriates posted to Brazil. I have learned out to say sit down in German (hinsetzen!) when super-tall blonde people get in my view of the TVs at the World Cup party at the German Institute. It could be useful; one never knows.

But I digress. What else is new? Oh yes, the self-awareness and self-appraisal--notice how I found a way to avoid it again? So the first assignment was the elevator pitch. That is really tough. I hope I get on an elevator that goes really fast and I can just get out two sentences like "I am a market development and management professional who enjoys working with new products and tailoring messages to target audiences." How does one summarize who they are and what they enjoy in a sentence? And not I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain which would never get me a job because I don't have a singing voice. See how nicely that can be changed from "warbles like a sick heron".  It's all in your phrasing.

We spent time looking at how former co-workers would describe us. I talked to one former boss in Miami who gave me such a lovely long positive list, I literally blushed in front of my computer. I thought to myself "wow, I really was pretty good at what I did." Because sometimes we forget. Sometimes we also forget our children at the bus stop but who's counting? And then another former colleague I asked for my strengths also sent me my weaknesses (without me asking! Be nice!) and I thought "hey, wtf?" and then I read it and I said, yes those are true. Mostly when he said that I could be a little direct in my feedback. Ummm, yes, true story. I am not mean. Just direct. 

Now I am working on my resume. The format has all changed from when I was a wee thing (eight years ago) and apparently some of my really proud moments are not relevant to my resume. Like learning Portuguese in six months. Like getting appointed to a town committee and two PTO roles in the first year I was here (maybe I was supposed to duck? Wait, I think I just figured out why those are not positives). A friend just gave me a set of napkins that read "Stop me before I volunteer again." Sigh.

One of the best presentations for me so far in this program has been a talk by Susan Brady about Coaching Your Inner Critic. You can see her here.  Her inner critic training is really about telling yourself that you have to be on the lookout for those moments when you feel like being critical of others ("He just doesn't get it." or "what an idiot") -- One-Up moments -- and those moments when you are overcritical of yourself "I can't believe I said that" or " what a dumb thing I just did" -- One-down moments.The simple concept is to try to "right size" our self-image. 

On this journey from stay-at-home mom (and awesomely interesting blogger, let's be truthful here, oops back to the lesson above) to severely-delayed-at-Alewife-going-to-work-again, the challenge will be confidence. Yes, I did that, yes I am doing that, and yes, I am ready to do the other thing now. Did that make sense? Note to self: work on elevator pitch.

And to all you self-doubts, hinsetzen!!