Powers that be - Waltham, MA

Networking Weston-style: 

 

image credit: https://hiveofactivities.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/cocktail-party-_2502341b.jpg

So this will be my last blog post for the forseeable future. Why? Because I have gone back to work part-time and I find the rest of my day when not at work is filled with being late to pediatric appointments, shoving piles of food into a grocery cart at warp speed, and attempting to help my kids with division problems. Oh yes, and other stuff.

So the jungle gym. Let's talk about what has actually happened. 2016 was not fantastic--it was frustrating and quiet in terms of job search. I have read all the articles on back-to-work programs, and how hard it is to get back in and all kinds of industry information. I have sent resumes, set up coffees and lunches specifically to network, and of course I did the reacHIRE training program (elsewhere on this blog). From all of that, here's my one true truth (not alternative):

Someone, perhaps best written as some ONE, has to take a chance on you. Just one person who says "hey, you are smart, yeah, you've been out a while but you have a great resume from before you stepped out. You have other skills--as a PTO organizer, as a kids' activities multi-tasker and yes, you WANT to work. I am going to give you a chance."

And that is what happened for me. I met the person who hired me through a friend. We talked a year ago about the start-up he was involved in, and we talked about my going through the career training refresher. And we had some pretty good coffee and possibly, though I am not saying memory serves, a chocolate croissant. And we didn't chat again until nine months later.

In November, he called me and said, hey we need an operations person to help us with daily customer contact, with payments and we're a start-up so maybe some days you'll be doing marketing or finance or systems testing (yeah, they knew better than that, really). And so I went into the office and met him and the CEO and we liked each other, and we decided that I would start part-time and we would see how it goes. Lots of things in start-ups are "let's see how that goes." 

It's gone well. Really well. We had a fantastic end of year. And I was still able to do the things important to me--holidays with family, going to my stepson's graduation in Brazil, a commute that is 7 minutes door to desk. The greatest gift to me has been a flexible day that lets me continue with my volunteer roles in creative arts and open space/recreation in town, and spend time with my quickly growing kids. 

So, I spent a year and a few thousand on trying to find my way in the "traditional" way. I cannot say that the job re-entry program was particularly effective for me--except in bringing me 9 super-charged cheerleaders and friends who continue to meet one year later. Most of us have not found jobs from the program. But we're more confident for it, we know what a pivot table is, and as I've said, we've got each other. Two of the C6 have found employment through the program so it does work for some...just not for me.

Would I have expected my chance to be in a small start-up in the middle of a large business filled with millennials playing video games at lunch time in the corporate kitchen? No. But here I am, learning every day. For now, it's more than enough.

All you need is one person to take a chance on you. One. So thanks, boss. I plan to pay it forward in the future--and take a chance on the next person.

(Don't) Consider Yourself At Home

Rehearsals for Oliver! Do you know how to heel click? Me neither

For the last couple of weeks I have been immersed in the side of life that is not job search. One of my sons, age 9, was in the final weeks of rehearsal for community theater in a musical called Oliver! I will try not to ooze with pride for a little kid who really doesn't come to song naturally but was determined to be a part of the show. One could learn a lot from the little ones, no?
 
The reality of community theater is that this is unpaid fun for the actors--most of them have day jobs in anything from corporate security to a pediatrician to elementary school kids. It was all-consuming--but they're all back to work and school today, most of them probably with the catchy music still playing in our heads.

The music that I've been singing all morning is Consider Yourself which has lines such as "consider yourself well-in, consider yourself part of the furniture..." It is a spectacular song and worth googling if you have a minute or two. And so with that song still ringing in my ears, I shall tell you why I have to not consider myself at home.

It's time to get out and get going. As of yet, no job offers have arrived miraculously at my feet. So far, the ReacHIRE program has not offered me a chance at a job, internship or project. It's tough out there for women returning to work...and this with high employment in many areas of the country.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal ("Tech Companies Help Women Get Back to Work", April 10, 2016) is both optimistic and scary. While some companies are purposefully going after returning women, some are quite clearly ignoring them in favor of recent graduates and those who never left.  

Those that are now making moves towards pursuing returning women are cited as being Silicon Valley based. But not all--here I will hat-tip to those companies I know are making things happen for returning women: Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and JP Morgan Chase. How I wish I wanted to be in finance, or was once in finance, or perhaps even lived in New York. Wait, not the last part--I love my Boston home. I interviewed at Morgan Stanley and had an informational interview at JP Morgan when I was graduating college--I clearly wasn't cut out for them then, and I don't think I will be now. But they're doing stuff for older women and I applaud!

One particular paragraph of the WSJ article is arresting: "Nearly 90 percent [of women who have stepped away from their careers for an extended period] attempt to resume their careers, but only 40% land full-time jobs." A further 25% take part-time jobs, and 10% become self-employed. That is a bummer. But not one that is going to take the wind out of my sails. 

Job search takes a long time: according to this excellent LinkedIn post, anywhere from six months to two years. So, how to keep the energy going? Join community theater? Nope, can't sing. Volunteer for everything? Did that, now trying to reduce my 9 volunteer roles to 2 or 3. Concentrate on job search? Ah, yes.  And here's my plan:

Consider myself out of my home...and talking with everyone I meet about what they do, what they think of it, and how their company thinks about returning to work after years away. Some of my contacts have not been particularly successful or fun, and that's okay. But as we all know, the likelihood is that my next job will come from referral, not from shooting a resume through space. 

On my list of people to contact today: one of my husband's old co-workers from BCG, a neighbor,  a friend from Brazil and a former classmate. I'm not asking them for jobs; I'm asking them for coffee. Actually I'll buy my own. Or a walk around the woods--the goslings are out and times are good in spring-y Boston.  

Be back soon. Ack, another Oliver! song...

Setting Up for Success - Getting to "No"

Recently I had a series of interviews at a company which I highly respect and for which I very much would like to work. It's a company that focuses on its end customer as well as the sales channel, and though many companies say they do that, the truth is that very few actually do so.

My first three interviews of five were fantastic. I loved the women I would be working for (yes, they happened to all be women), including the direct manager and the manager's manager. They were smart and funny, and as we talked I could see myself working there. 

After my conversation with the director, I immediately went to talk with my husband about how we would be able to find a nanny soon enough, what it all meant to planned trips to Brazil, etc. I was so excited. Yes, cart before the horse is what I was doing. In my defense, while I didn't have an offer, when you have kids involved in the equation, you have to do more advance planning.

The cart came to a screeching halt during my next two interviews. As I talked with the executives with whom I would be directly working, I began to realize the lack of complexity and creativity of the role I was interviewing for. It was a job I would have loved, and in fact had, fifteen years ago.

Having willingly, and mostly enjoyably, taken off time to be with my kids, I realize that I may have to take a step back as I come back into the work place. I personally have no issue working for people younger than me, as long as I have something to learn from them, and they from me. A job really does have to be mutually beneficial or you are not going to be successful. 

The next interview was with the person with whom I would be working: she is smart and creative and needed someone to take the operational non-creative stuff off her plate. She needed a (work) partner who would be there for the long run, not looking for the next growth opportunity. Of course, I fit into the latter. She saw it; I saw it. The good news about that empathy is that there were no hard feelings when I declined the role (again, it had not been offered, and I don't know if it actually would have been offered--this was pre-emptive).

As I've said before, I have few regrets about how I have worked, and then worked at home, during my life. I love my story. And the benefit of maturity is realizing the need to set yourself and everyone else up for success. Working a role that is far outside your strengths and interests is not going to make you happy--it will make you miserable, and by extension, everyone around you will be miserable. Of course I have the benefit of not having to return to work immediately due to financial pressures. I can choose. Not everyone can.

This is all well and good until you have to get yourself to say "no" (or perhaps, no thanks to this particular role) to a company you like, to managers you like and to going back to corporate, a place you would very much like to be, after years out. It kept me awake for many a night.

So, I'm back at the drawing board, networking (soon to be a blog post), applying, interviewing and doing my usual volunteer roles. All ten of them. I would really like to go back to paid work, but it has to be right for everyone. Setting myself up for success. Hopefully on my way to "yes!"

Community C6

Photo credit: www.spaceforgiants.org

This morning we had our first alumnae get-together of the C6. Cohort 6 of ReacHIRE Boston. I wish I had come up with that cute acronym but alas, it was one of the other 9 women who make up the C6.  Oh all right, it is also the cute name of a risk intelligence company, a Corvette and possibly also a spinal nerve. I hope it's the last one so then we have a motto that goes like this "C6! You are getting on my last nerve!" Or not.

We completed the ReacHIRE training program and graduated in mid-December. It seems like a million years ago yet yesterday. I admit it's been hard to go from seeing these great ladies every week, mostly twice a week, to now once-a- month reunions. We do talk through slack or email or Linked In every few days but it's not the same as meeting up in a training partner company's kitchen to figure out the coffee machine (or fix it by leaping on top of the counter like one of us did), trading commute stories, or puzzling over homework issues. 

In a way, an 8-week program like ReacHIRE is very much like a micro-mini MBA. A nano-MBA plus software engineering. Yes, we worked through cases, we were one with the excel tables, and we had to present findings in front of others. But most of all, a program such as this one gives you the ultimate gift: the people.

I was reminded of my MBA program today--Kellogg full-time, X years ago where X exceeds 10. See, it's all math all the time with me. I got a note from a friend from my first MBA group telling me he was safe in Istanbul after an explosion had gone off in that city. Now I don't see this friend very often--possibly the last time in person was in 2001 when he got married in Italy two weeks after 9/11. But he is a person that I know my husband (also a Kellogg alum) and I each could count on for anything. 

Because yes, my husband and I met at our MBA, and married 5 years after graduation. We attended several Kellogg weddings all over the world, and keep in touch with a (dwindling but still real) number of our colleagues. They are the ones who accompanied us changing from "hey, whatever" undergrads to driven business folks, whether we worked in consulting, non-profit, or wherever life took us.

And here we are a different cohort, the 10 of us. We are changing from stay-at-home moms, or volunteer mavens, back to the "working world." Just like my MBA experience, I find that each of us is very different with diverse life experiences including terrible health scares, love and loss, and along the way, satisfying corporate careers that we left some time ago. Or seemingly just a while ago. 

Where we are similar is that we all want back in, and want to help each other back in. The very essence of this program. I would say that these are the women who change Madeline Albright's famous quote of "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women" to be more positive. Perhaps there's a special place in heaven for those who do. 

So today we got together for two hours of laughing and catching up and sharing, as well as positive encouragement as we continue our search for the right job or project.  Oh yes, and blueberry muffins--not bad there at the Newton Marriott.  We shared our doubts and insecurities, and the elation of one woman of the group who is back in the saddle. 

So here's the root of the root of this blog post, which is more serious than most. If you are out of work, or changing your mind about what you are doing, don't get on Linked In. Sorry, millenials, but here I want you to listen to me. Get out of your house. Find a group of people who are like you, and unlike you, but actually like you (did you follow that?) and get out with them. Share. Listen. Learn. Laugh. Ideas flow (yes, we just now need a product for the C6 to take off as its own company ;)) and insights too. 

After two hours of chatting and trading stories and news, we bundled up in our winter coats and walked out into the biting wind.  We'll be together again in three weeks sharing what's new or what's not. It is the best confidence-builder ever. Community.  Do not underestimate its power.

Strike A Pose - Boston, MA

Art: Zenos Frudakis

One of our best units during the ReacHIRE training course was in public speaking. Yes, it was also one of the most painful. According to popular lore, people rank public speaking fear as a close second to fear of death. I used to feel this way but I have to say that Toastmasters in the early 1990s and a whole lot of no-choice-but-to-get-up-there in my corporate career makes me rank this fear as somewhere after losing my children, after being overcome by a large wave, and slightly before spiders. I don't lose sleep over it anymore. 

Which isn't to say that I am a good public speaker.  Nerves get anyone, I suppose, and I get hives probably noticeable from space, and yes, I generally forget about 20% of what I was going to say but as far as I know I have yet to make people fall asleep. Perhaps they are fascinated that anyone can talk so fast and turn so red that they forget to yawn. Whatever it is, I do not love public speaking but I think I do okay. 

In preparation for our public speaking session, we all watched a TED Talk by Amy Cuddy. She is amazing--fought back from a life-threatening car accident, tamed an inner critic that fiercely protested against her going to college, and tells us all to believe in ourselves. That is a terrible summary of a very fine talk. 

One of the fun parts of her talk is the Power Pose. There are certain poses that show we are in charge--arms lifted in victory, leaning powerfully forward over a desk, etc--and we all need to practice them before taking on new challenges--in our case, public speaking. You can see one sculpture demonstrating this pose at the top of this blog post. 

Image credit: thesun.co.uk

The bottom line is that you need to go troop into the bathroom before your talk, get into a stall or in front of the mirror and visualize crossing the finish line--victory!! And all your little bitty brain pieces (I am good at science) will buy into this. 

Or, to paraphrase from her biography: "Amy Cuddy’s research on body language reveals that we can change other people’s perceptions — and even our own body chemistry — simply by changing body positions." Yes, our body chemistry. Sounds better than bitty brain pieces. 

This is fascinating stuff. Take time to watch the Ted talk here: 

So we all watched this presentation before class, and then arrived at our host company to meet Charlotte, our  public speaking trainer. And she built on this confidence and gave us tools to make our presentations better now that our body chemistry had changed. One of the tools for this is what she called the Starting Five (as opposed to the Big Five which all live in Africa and you had better be scared of them. Meeting them would change your body chemistry in a different way--as in maybe RUN!). The starting five are:

1. Posture
2. Connection
3. Gestures
4. Voice
5. Pace

And I think you know what goes along with each of these five points, at least intuitively. Posture is all about owning your body, standing straight and tall and not crossing your legs and hunching inwards like you're about to get tackled by my insane dog. Might be good to practice that though if you come to visit. 

Connection is also a challenge. Trying to connect with each person in your audience is tough. Usually I find one or two friendly audience members (let's be frank, all the ReacHIRE women are friendly) and stay mostly with them. But in our training exercise, we had to maintain eye contact with each of the four watching for five seconds. Five seconds is a really long time. Yes, Usain Bolt can run between Boston and New York in that time but you try talking about something staring into someone's eyes for five seconds. Someone you don't know very well. Someone you don't want to creep out.

Gestures. First of all, no arm flapping. I love this admonishment--it's like we're all try to fly our way out of there. No hands in pockets, no arms crossed. It's tough. I can now understand why all our presidential candidates use the same gestures all the time. I want to use different gestures towards some of these self-same candidates, but that is not the point here. Nor polite, really. You want gestures that go along with what you're saying and without looking like a crane. The birdy kind.

Voice. If they can't hear you, well, what's the point really? And you don't want to end every sentence with a question mark? Because that is annoying? And what teenagers do? Get me? 

Pace. Ah, here it is. My waterloo. I tend to zoomy zoom through the beginning of presentation because I'm still getting the butterflies out, right? Those question marks at the end of sentences are addictive right?  So yes. I did finish my 5 minute presentation in 3 minutes and 50 seconds. And I wonder where my child gets his impatience. From me.

We also talked about the pyramid principle. This is where you get to the point first, support with three arguments, then share your call to action. I like this principle as it is similar to one I learned in consulting engagements--always with the three arguments. In consulting you use three bullet points. In this case, Charlotte hates bullet points. How can you hate bullet point? Bullet points are your friends. This is not an advert for the NRA. 

So our presentations. Two days ago was our final class including five-minute presentations by each of us. We could choose our topic as long as it included some data research. I chose to speak about Setting Up for Success--what to expect in a meeting in Brazil. Everyone pretended to be new sales guys on their way to Brazil to sell medical devices. 

I think it went fine. I made mistakes. I forgot to say stuff. I had chosen to go first (I always choose to go first if allowed) and had forgotten that the hand-up signal from one person meant 2 1/2 minutes left, not one minute, so I roared to an end at 3 minutes and 50 seconds. We spent the last minute staring at each other and power posing. Just kidding. Pace needs help, but it was fine. Friendly audience, topic that I love. 

All ten of us presented--topics ranging from social media to computer languages to small talk to boxing. All of them were good. Great. Excellent. And none of us were totally happy with how they turned out, but as most of us said "at least they're done" or when asked what went well, the answer came "well, at least I didn't faint!"  

I am so proud of my group from ReacHIRE and I am glad they've got my back as we all go out into the great big world. We plan to meet up every month--maybe we should start the meeting with a power pose. And a behavioral interview question. And end it with a tootsie roll pop. Why not? Make your own rules.

Fit and Flare - Boston, MA

What not to wear to an interview--see below. Image credit: www.fashiontranslated.com

Last Friday, my cohort at ReacHIRE visited with a personal shopper at a large department store in downtown Boston. I admit it is my favorite department store so please bear that in mind in terms of any bias. I am not, however, a shopper. I am a firm believer in LL Bean, hand-me-down sweaters and the consignment shop. Yes, for me as well as the kids. So, that's what Alexa (name changed for privacy) the personal shopper had to work with.

We squished ten of us into a tiny office behind the HeeBGB (wait that can't be right) Max Mara section and from there Alexa pulled out various pieces to show us what works and what doesn't work in terms of interview clothes vs daily clothes in business casual or business formal environments. She had been informed that we were currently jobless so clearly she could imagine our clothing budgets (I texted my husband during the presentation about what my budget was for the day. He didn't answer. I assumed that meant "use your own judgement"). 

Answering questions: Alexa

Now some of the rules of the fashion game were perfectly known to me. Bare legs are a "no" for an interview. Folks, I cannot understand the women here in Boston who go bare-legged in 45 degrees. It's true! I've seen it! Brrrrrrrrrr! I am as likely to be wearing long grundies under my Calvins (something DOES come between me and my Calvins, if any of you are old enough to get the allusion).

As if we needed this review, Alexa let us know that suntan-hued stockings are a faux pas. Haven't they been out since say, 1984? I have never ever ever had a tan that dark on any part of my body. My "suntan" hue would be pink-to-lobster.  Anyway, bare legs no. Suntan, no. Check, check.

I think Amanda was intimidated by us for the first hour. She was pretty serious. I was cracking bad jokes about tucking stuff in (shirts, people, what did you think I was talking about?) and she was not cracking a smile. But then I asked about shoes that show the tops of your toes...and she immediately said "toe cleavage and stockings? Why don't you just stab me?" She was in the swing of things after that. 

We then reviewed that there are comfortable shoes and then there are shoes made by men. Yes, Mr. Laboutin, I am talking about you. My toes hurt just thinking about you. Anne Klein, you're the woman for me. Wait, Enzo Angiolini used to...what happened to him? Killed by a stiletto?

I must have tuned out for a second because the next thing I heard was "you don't want your peplum longer than your jacket." What is a peplum? Have I even spelled that right? Oh it's greek for tunic. I missed the tunic discussion sorry. But no tucking in the handkerchief point from your swingy new top. No. It's a whole new world out there for me, folks. 

So rose quartz is the pantone color of the year so expect a lot of blush and bashful theming (does anyone get the Steel Magnolias reference? No?) Okay, I hate rose quartz so it won't be on me. Also fit and flare dresses are in. Fit through the waist and then flaring. I love this term. Fit and Flare. Must try to use as much as possible. I think it used to be "A-line" but that is so boring.

We then saw a lot of really nice stuff. St. Johns seems to be the middle-aged corporate lady uniform, but I haven't got $395 to spend on a trouser. One jacket ($1650) Alexa termed as an "investment piece." I dunno, I think I would rather invest in say, Facebook stock. Or Slack. Whatever. 

One of our crew asked about scarves and best ways to tie them. And Alexa did a great job of demonstrating some perfect swooshes and whatever. She mentioned that "turning your head is probably required for your job, so don't do a huge bow on the side." Hadn't occurred to me, but I was starting to get her dry sense of humor. 

Demonstrating how to tie a scarf (model blurred for privacy!)

I also learned a new word which I will have a challenge to spell. Alexa matched a shiny pretty jacket with a red dress, saying that this would give you a bit more "jhujghzzz". No, "zhuzsh" I have no clue. But I plan to use the term frequently. Like fit and flare. 

After an hour and a half we were released out into the store for our own fun. There was a big promotion going on, and I have to admit I did take advantage of it. Not one, but two fit & flare dresses from my buddy at Ralph Lauren. Men can't make comfy shoes but they can fit & flare. 

And now we are dressed for success.Or most of us are: of course we had to have ONE problem child ;)

What Not to Wear

The Secret is Eggs

Image credit: www.frugal-cafe.com

Yesterday we had our last class with ReacHIRE. Technically we still have "Dress for Success" at Lord & Taylor on Friday, and final presentations and graduation on Tuesday, but the program is essentially done. Next week I'll sum up my takeaways on the program as well as any heretofore unspoken catty comments about its participants. I am just kidding, folks!! Give this mother-of-twins re-entering the workforce a break!! Okay, the twins are not re-entering-- nine-year old boys have a truly terrible work ethic.  Today one completed a homework assignment with "Na Na". When I asked, he said "it's tuna, get it?" What this had to do with math, I cannot say. Oh, two. Hunh.

Anyway, yesterday. Yesterday we spent quite some time with LinkedIn. The class was billed as social media but it was heavily concentrated on LinkedIn. I had been hoping to learn how to tweet all my incredibly earth-shattering comments on snapchat or instagram (okay, I get that tweeting goes with the bird) but no. Instead, I learned to stalk my old corporate buddies. No, stalk is the wrong word. There is no single word--it was a walk down memory lane as I looked through the pages of some of my former colleagues and what they are doing today. 

We covered many valuable insights about networking and posting and being involved. I won't be a walking ad campaign for Linked In but I will say that it has gotten much more powerful since I left the workforce nine years ago. Also more expensive. Yeah, everything is. I enjoyed the class and wrote down a to-do list about forty items long,  Then it was time for Nuts & Bolts--a summary of what was next for us as we continued on the ReacHIRE path.

What's next is a project assignment. ReacHIRE works with its hiring partners to find us short-term projects that may or may not turn into full-time or permanent roles. It's the part of the dance where we line up on one wall and the dance partners on the other, hoping to find the partner who is neither too short nor too tall, and won't step on your feet. I cannot spill what is ReacHIRE's "special sauce", as they put it, but I definitely feel like there is quite a team working with me as I step onto that dance floor. Bring on the Dancing Queen!

This morning I went for a walk in the conservation woods as I do every day with my dog Coal. For the first time, one of my neighbors decided to join me on the three-mile loop. She is a working mom who I see mostly at the bus stop with her third grade and first grade kids. We chatted about all kinds of things, including town meetings (do NOT get me started), historic homes (hers) and many other topics. Then we started talking about how I was going back to work.

I was just telling my neighbor about how I was interviewing a new babysitter today and I was excited and nervous about re-entering the workforce and making the rest of my life work. Such as helping kids with homework Na Nas, commuting to wherever, and still making dinner that is edible. And she looked at me and said "you can do it. We can all do it. The secret is eggs." I laughed and said "what???" (oh, all right I admit that I questioned her sanity for just one second...just one...)

And she explained that eggs were the root of successful women everywhere. Eggs. Why? Eggs can be dinner. If you're working late and can't think of what's for dinner, there are so many ways to make eggs. Eggs with broccoli. Egg sandwich. Omelettes, frittatas, whatever. It's protein and your kids will eat them. Well, mine eat them. Mine eat everything. 

Okay, don't expect this, kids! image credit: www.fitnessrepublic.com

And I admit that I got home from the walk and thought "whhhaaaaaaat? All these years there has been a secret to making career and family work and no one told me?"  Eggs. Hunh.